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How To Be More Positive

I’m
going to give you a few personal tips on how to be more positive!

1) Stop comparing yourself to others

The first tip I have for you is to stop comparing yourself to
other people. Until you stop doing this, it will be very
hard for you to feel grateful about what you already have. And
if you always think other people are better off than you are
even though you are the one who deserves more, it’s going to
turn you cynical and bitter over time.

– Stop comparing your with other people’s. There’s
always going to be someone richer than you
– Stop seeking approval from other people
– Compare yourself to yourself. See how much you’ve grown
and how far you’ve come. Compete against yourself, but not with
other people
– Understand that everyone has different strengths and priorities

2) Consciously look for something good in everyone you meet

This will probably sound cheesy, but I strongly encourage you
to try to look for something good in everyone you meet. It will
help you act more positive towards them.

– Think about “why” someone would do something rude and excuse
their behavior the best way you can
– Do not make the assumption that everyone is against you
– Just set a good example yourself rather than trying to change
people
– Think about what lessons you have learned from the encounter,
even if it is “this is why I don’t want to be like them.”
– Focus on the things they are good at rather than the things they
are bad at
– Identify one or two things they can do better than you

3) Detach yourself from “fairness” or justice

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that most of my bitter
or less positive readers usually have a strong sense of
fairness or justice. Specifically, they tend to think
the world has done them wrong or that “the world isn’t
fair”.

The world has never been fair and never will be. Here are
a few tips on how to deal with it:

– Understand that fairness is subjective. What’s fair to you
may not feel fair to other people.
– Learn to deal with uncertainties and random events
– Tolerate and forgive
– Help people when you can, but don’t get angry
– Do things because you ENJOY doing them, not because you
expect anything in return
– Realize that no system or rules can benefit everyone
all the time
– Adapt to the world rather than forcing the world to adapt
to you.

4) Stop Thinking It’s Either All Their Fault or All Your Fault

This is an extension of my last point about fairness. Stop seeing
the world in black and white. It is hard to stay positive when
there’s always a blame game or negative self-talk going on.
Accept responsibility for your own actions – nothing less, nothing
more. Do not blame others, but do not carry someone else’s burden
on your shoulders either.

– Stop thinking about things in terms of black and white. Accept
the fact that sometimes both parties should take responsibility.
– If you’re always blaming yourself, chances are, you should
not be taking responsibility for everything
– If you’re always blaming other people, chances are, you
should start looking internally as well

5) Focus on what you want instead of the problem

There’s an old saying, “Focus on the solution,
not the problem.” Unfortunately, thinking about solutions
often lead to other problems. People often think of
solutions that are polar opposites and “get stuck”
weighing the pro’s and con’s of each one. This gets them
stuck in a loop that they can’t get out of and they
become bitter, negative, and angry. (It’s hard to remain
positive when all solutions seem to bring you additional
problems!)

When I give advice to men and women stuck in such a
loop, I will often ask them bluntly, “So what exactly do
you want out of this?” Most of the time, they will dance
around the issue and tell me how they don’t really have
a preference. They will tell me about how it’s impossible
to solve their problem and show me how each problem will
give them additional problems. Sometimes they even try
to get me to make a decision for them.

But no matter how hard they try to evade my question,
I’ll always respond with the same question:

“What exactly do you want?”

Eventually I will wear them down and they will tell me
what they “think” they want. The funny thing is, as soon
as they tell me, it usually doesn’t take them long to
figure out what it is they have to do to overcome
their challenge!

– Think about what you want rather than what your problems are
– Build an action plan that will help you get what you want
– REMEMBER what you want so that you can focus on your long
term objective and ignore the short term pain when things
get tough.

6) Improve your social skills

From my experience, many people feel angry and bitter because
they feel disconnected from the world. They do not trust
other people, but at the same time they don’t understand why
other people don’t like them. If you belong in such a category,
I’d recommend you:

– Learn to interpret body language and non verbal signals
– Make eye contact and smile
– Learn to be an active listener
– Learn to give compliments rather than criticism
– Take a few acting classes
– Volunteer and join a few hobby clubs
– Learn how to have fun with people
– Improve your own body language

7) Learn to manage your behavior

Learn to manage your behavior so that you can actively
choose what you say and what you do. This will help you
become a more effective communicator and people will
see you as a more positive person as a result.

– Observe the effects your words and actions have on people
– Revisit your values and make sure they are congruent with
your actions
– Take a few communication classes and get some third party
feedback
– Avoid criticizing things and people in public
– Try not to say anything if you don’t have anything nice
to say.
– Get to know yourself under stress

8) Read Biographies

Read biographies of successful people and see how many
normal, everyday people like you and me have accomplished
the “impossible” by staying positive during tough times.

– Focus on their attitudes
– See their strengths and weaknesses
– Ask yourself what you could accomplish if you had the same
spark or passion

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