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How To Change A Woman Or Man

As I always say, you can’t really
change a person unless they WANT to change.
In many cases, the character of the person
will remain the same. But if you’re talking
about small changes, then there’s a chance
that you can help promote change with the
following technique.

The key is to separate the behavior
from the identity of the person. This way,
the person will feel that it’s not really
their fault.

Here’s how to do it:

1) Start by complimenting the person. Tell
them what they want to hear.


“Jennifer, you are a wonderful,
wonderful woman and I like you a lot. You’re
kind, generous, and adventurous. It’s very
fun to be around you.”

2) Bridge it to the behavior you want to
stop, but do it in such a way that you’re
suggesting their real identity is opposite
of the behavior you are trying to stop.


“I can also tell that you’re a very
loyal person by the way you treat me, your

3) Then separate the behavior from the identity.


“But sometimes when I see you talk
to other guys, I get uncomfortable. I know
you’re not trying to flirt with them because
that’s not the kind of girl you are. You’re
not like other girls and that’s why I fell
for you.”

Here’s the bottom line. If you tell
someone they are horrible because they did
something stupid, then you’re attacking their
core identity and forcing them to act defensive.
But if you tell them you think they are too smart
to do something stupid, then they probably
won’t do it just so they can keep the good image!

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